Oh My Freaking G**! It's like non-stop complaining about what time I go back home now. What the heck? I go back that late was for a good reason. It's not like I'm doing something wrong like sleeping around with random strangers. Ughhhh! I was out studying in case if you didn't notice?
Why couldn't I study alone? Erm... Well.. Let's see you all coop up in the room 24/7. How would you like that? But to you, it's like, "that's normal, that's what you do everyday in Miri what" FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT PITIFUL LIFE OF MINE! Did you know how much I resented everything I had there? Do you know how much I suffered there? Do you know that my only aim was to get as far away as possible from there? DID YOU KNOW I WANTED TO GET AWAY FROM YOU?
I'm not the best daughter. But I tried. Real hard. Great scores. Top student of the school. Good in co-curriculum. President of every club I join. No black record. Best in the class. Great attitude. Listen to what ever you say like a DOG. Never leave the house. Don't ask for anything unnecessary. Ask for permission like in advance like a month's time before I want to go out. What more can you ask from me?
I gave that retarded life up because throughout those years, my life was to please you. I'm done with it. I please no one now. I know that raising me up makes me owe everything and even my life to you. I do. I don't doubt that. But right now. Just leave me alone. Please. I'm enough frustrated by everything. I don't need you to add on to my huge burden.
I'm tired. I'm really tired now. I'm tired of listening to your nag. I know what life is about. I know what people are like. Don't say that I am without experience and that I should listen to you. The only reason I listen is because I respect you. Everything you say, I know, I had been through. It's just that you never see what I see. You never feel what I feel. I know exactly what you feel and what's coming next. It's so freaking predictable. Every single word. I don't need to hear an advice to know what to do. I know what I'm doing. I just need you to be there for me. To be my pillar of support, to listen to my complaints. That's all.
I know that you're only giving advises because you are worried. But bear this in mind, I am the decision maker in my life. Luck may turn sour. Things may go wrong but it's still my life. My choice. I won't regret. The thing I regret most was being your puppet. Being what you never became. I don't know why you keep wanting me to be what you can never be. Why can't you just let me be me? Why must you steer my life in a way that you can control it at all times like I'm a puppet?
I know you're going through a hard time, surgeries and all. People ask me to think about how you feel. I know. I know how you feel. But the problem is, I don't give a damn about that when you piss me off. Which mother actually says: "What's your rescue plan? What do you intend to do to make up for the lost marks etc?" when I'm on the verge of crying. I just want you to call and ask how I AM FEELING! MY FEELINGS MATTER DO YOU KNOW THAT? Oh yeah, you don't. Cause I'm just a freaking lifeless puppet that follows your every command right?
I want to be like others. When they're sad, the first people they go to are their parents. To talk about their feelings and stuffs. But me, I go to my toy cat. I hug it and cry everything out. I drain out all my emotions. I have no one else to go to because of how you're treating me. And if I tell you this in your face. You'll just deny stuffs and go find backups to prove that you're not wrong. Life isn't about that. It's about accepting the fact that you're wrong even to your daughter and try to change. Try to see things from my point of view. How hard is that when I can see from YOUR point of view? I can see things from other's point of views. I put myself in their shoes at all time and feel what they feel. I guess that's the greatest gift/ability I have, thanks to you. I know and understand characters better than people my age. I know things I don't because of all the hardships I went through.
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