Everything is okay again.. I guess?

Jason talked some sense into me. He's like the person I trust and I respect what he has to say. So, you can say that he managed to make me rethink everything. About maybe 50% is my fault. I made teddy emo in the first place which then makes me emo and the cycle continues. Doesn't seem logical but it's kind of true I have to admit that. 

This morning, I was like a train running without railroad tracks to guide me. I just ignore everything around me and went in such a fast pace because I just don't want to listen to people's opinion about this. I don't give a damn about what good things people say about the person I am angry at. If I am angry, that's a big deal. If I am hurt and sad, that is worse. Because I built a wall so thick around my heart and myself that it's impossible to penetrate through. And it's harder to even hurt me. I think you get the point. 

I realized something about myself a long time ago, but I never seem to understand why I behave in such a way. Well, now I finally have the answer. I act childish when I'm scared and insecure. So meaning that, if I'm acting childish around you, it might mean that I am scared of you (past, present and future, you name it) or insecure about certain things related to you. I got hurt by what happened in the past, too much that I can't stop having flashbacks of it.

Every time I look over at teddy and want to try to forgive. This image (flashback) of what happened in the past came up. Then, I'll just stop myself from forgetting and especially can't let bygones be bygones. You don't understand what I had been through in the past. So you can't understand why I can't let bygones be bygones. I'm still overcoming what happened 6 years ago. I still can't get over it totally until now. Seriously. That event scared me for life. So I'm really sorry if I did/ might do anything wrong because I can't let bygones be bygones. 

I can't explain every single action of mine. But trust this one thing. I don't want to see you sad. I don't want to see anyone sad. Every time I see anyone sad, I'll be very sad too. Unless you did something that upsets me sooo much that I hate you for life and wishes all bad things for you (which is like a one in a million chance? but there is still a possibility that it might happen kay.) I want what's best for everyone. 

SO SORRY TEDDY! I FORMALLY APOLOGIZE FOR THE 50% PART THAT I DID WRONG T_T

*BEAR HUG*